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In case you didn't know... this blog is routinely read by (you and) about 4 (other) loyal fans...

OK, it is read by 5 fans (whose loyalty and attention span must never be taken for granted, but earned through solid, humorous yet insightful, ultimately informative writing).

Fine, forget fans... by 5 curious people.  6, on rainy days.

And it occurs to me as I sit down to write something... anything... that if there is a sure way to rouse the ire of my readership (or at least their disappointment)... a way, while I am at it, in which I might also make my blog somehow less socially, culturally, or intellectually relevant... (to say nothing of its once alleged commitment to topics related to rookiedaddyhood) well then that way would surely consist of my writing about...

... Kim Kardashian(henceforth referred to as KK)'s divorce. 

Am I Right?  Won't I forever lose you if I go there?

It has been about 6 days since the sad news broke, and there are already something on the order of 10^44 TV reports, newspaper headlines, blog posts, twittering twitters, historic-society reenactments, college thesis papers, and reality TV scripts (of COURSE they are scripted for heaven's sake!) considering all available angles of KK's divorce (though certain angles, are clearly preferred by the media).  The majority of said pieces were probably pre-written (shortly after the wedding).  Most of them are no-doubt embellished with lots of (better) pictures of KK's butt.

And surely... nothing written on this particular subject is worth a nanosecond of your (or any other discerning and decent person's) time.

But it is not just about your good taste, uncertain reader.  It is about my sensibilities and expectations as well.  I have dreams!  Should I choose (don't dare me!) to write about KK's current marital conundrums (or is it conundra?)... I may never regard my own literary aspirations with respect again.  I may never be able to look myself in the mirror (except as necessary to shave without injury).

No, seriously.  I am disappointing (and pissing) myself (off) at this very moment just by considering this.  And I for one, already stopped talking to myself.  Fine, see if I care!  Well I am officially threatening not to Facebook-like or Google-plus this post (um, yes, I do it all the time... do you mind?).

And yet... and yet... I...

What is this???  Am I falling prey to a tractor beam of shallowness and cheese?  A mysterious slime-green force that channels the collective will of trailer-park dwellers throughout 3600 sectors of the universe?  An inexorable invisible hand that compels erstwhile self-respecting, well-meaning writers to pinch their nose and take a swan dive into the pool of congealing and bubbling ... what shall we call this genre... couche souillée (means poopy diapers, I looked it up)?  Or is it less dirty than it is empty... more like the literary equivalent of... Twinkies? (Sorry, Twinkies, but I'm sure you are well aware of your reputation as a non-source of nourishment, substance or style)

Did the writers of In-Touch, OK!, Celebrity, and Star, once too, harbor uncorrupted dreams of becoming respectable novelists? columnists? poets?

Oh well...

Sorry, readers! 

Sorry self.

Decency be damned... Here, without further ado - in case you care - are my thoughts on the matter of KK's divorce.

Um...

right...

Lets see...

OK, I'll tell you what... first, let me ask you something, dear (if largely hypothetical) reader.  I know, you are out of patience...I know, you just want me off this soapbox... I get it.  I realize that I am writing like a snooty social critic and critics (of any kind) are the bottom of the pile.  Even critics of our society's retard-moth-like infatuation with the predictable (duh!) spontaneous combustion of "marriages" consummated among people of pretty bodies and empty brain-pans... with the intellectual and moral wherewithal of a bag of Cheetos (Sorry Cheetos, you're not alone, see above commentary on Twinkies).

Yep, I do recognize that even a bad article about KK's divorce is preferable to a long, self-important, worthier-than-thou article about the lameness of articles about KK's divorce... But I'm stuck...

I turn on the TV... I read the covers of magazines... and I must ask...

Who the crap is Kim Kardashian and why does anybody give an assberry about her marriage???

Anybody?

Hello?

P.S.  Yes, that was it.  That constituted the entirety of my post.   I did not actually have a single (intelligent or otherwise) thing to say on the matter KK's divorce, or her marriage, or even her (however remarkable) butt.  I hope you were not terribly disappointed.



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